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Things That Ruin Thanksgiving 2 (Animaniacs Style)

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[Announcers #1 & 2]
Things that ruin Thanksgiving

(Scene shows Yakko, Dr. Scratchansniff, and Hello Nurse, dressed as a stereotypical 1950's couple, in a house by the front door. The doorbell rings.)


[Yakko]
Look, mom, dad, before you meet Mary...

[Dr. Scratchansniff]
Yes, vat is it, Yakko?

[Yakko]
I think she might be pregnant...

(Dr. Scratchansniff and Hello Nurse gasp)

...with emotions right now, because she's been looking forward to meeting you guys for a long time, so please be nice. And also, we're having a child...

(Dr. Scratchansniff and Hello Nurse gasp)

...ish fight right now, pretty much about nothing. It's just that, she's having my baby...

(Dr. Scratchansniff and Hello Nurse gasp)

...brother pick her up right now, you know, your other son? Because I was here helping you guys set up, I couldn't get her, and she can't drive because she's growing a fetus right now.

(Dr. Scratchansniff and Hello Nurse gasp)

Y'know, "fetus" as in "feet fungus"? She has this terrible feet fungus that--

[Dr. Scratchansniff]
Yakko, please, just ve can't take zis anymore. Just bring her in.

[Yakko]
Okay.

(Yakko opens the door. Dot enters wearing a blonde wig and what seems to be a beach ball inside her shirt, giving the illusion that she's pregnant. Dr. Scratchansniff and Hello Nurse gasp again.)

Oh, no. Don't worry. She's just fat.

[Dot]
Excuse me!?

[Announcers #1 & 2]
Things that ruin Thanksgiving

(Scene shows Yakko, Wakko, Dot, and the Warner Bros. Studio staff sitting around the table for Thanksgiving dinner.)


[Yakko]
Alright, who's ready for Thanksgiving dinner, baby!?

(Everyone else at the table cheer)

[Wakko]
Woo! Giving thanks, and Santa Claus, and... presents and... sorry, I'm from the UK so... we do have mash, and I don't see any bangers...

[Announcers #1 & 2]
Things that ruin Thanksgiving

(Scene shows Yakko, Wakko, Dot, and the Warner Bros. Studio staff sitting around the table for Thanksgiving dinner. Yakko is looking at his plate, depressed.)


[Mr. Plotz]
What's wrong, Yakko? This isn't like you. Are you not hungry?

(Yakko has a flashback from the day before, where he is picking up the turkey, and he sees a homeless man on the street.)

[Homeless Man]
Excuse me, sir, do you happen to have any food on you?

[Yakko]
No, sorry.

(Back to the present)

I mean, I am, I just... I can't eat until I make things right.

(Yakko takes his plate and runs out of the house. He keeps running until he finds the homeless man he saw the day before.)

Look, sorry about yesterday. You asked me if I had food on me, and I said no, but I really did have food on me. I'm sorry; I should have never lied to you. And, well, you probably need this more than I do.

(As Yakko hands the plate to the man, he trips on a rock and the plate breaks.)

[Announcers #1 & 2]
Things that ruin Thanksgiving

(Scene shows the Warners and the Studio staff sitting on a couch together.)


[Yakko]
Alright, who's ready for some Thanksgiving football, man?

(Everyone else cheers)

[Wakko]
What!? They're not supposed to be carrying the ball with their hands!... Sorry, still from the UK. It's not real football.

[Announcers #1 & 2]
Things that ruin Thanksgiving

[Dr. Scratchansniff]
Oh hey, Vakko, did you get ze yams?

[Wakko]
Yams? Oh, yams! I thought you said jams!

[Dr. Scratchansniff]
No, but ve could use some jam for ze biscuits Hello Nurse is baking.

(Wakko takes out a portable boombox, playing a "jam")

Oh... zose jams...

[Announcers #1 & 2]
Things that ruin Thanksgiving

[Yakko]
Come on, tell me it does not look like this. Kind of, right? Look, it even has the little details, it caves in like this, and push hard, and release, and push hard again. Like, y'know? See the...

(Dr. Scratchansniff looks at him angrily)

No? Okay, fine. I'll keep working on it.

[Announcers #1 & 2]
Things that ruin Thanksgiving

[Dr. Scratchansniff]
Oh, hey, Vakko, did you get ze yams?

[Wakko]
Yams? Oh, yams! I thought you said ham!

[Dr. Scratchansniff]
Actually, ve could use some ham, so...

(Wakko pulls out a ham radio that plays the same jam)

[Announcers #1 & 2]
Things that ruin Thanksgiving

[Yakko]
Okay, so, before we get started, we have some wonderful news. Dot and I are having a baby!

[Dr. Scratchansniff]
VAT!?

[Dot]
What? I thought you'd be happy for us.

[Dr. Scratchansniff]
ZAT IS YOUR SISTER!

[Announcers #1 & 2]
Things that ruin Thanksgiving

[Dr. Scratchansniff]
Oh, hey, Vakko, did you get ze yams?

[Wakko]
Yams? Oh, yams! I thought you said can!

(He pulls out a can that seems to say "Yam")

[Dr. Scratchansniff]
You actually did it! You picked up the can of yams!

[Wakko]
What? No, these are the new Jams in a Can by Yamaha.

(He opens the can, and it plays the same jam)

[Announcers #1 & 2]
Things that ruin Thanksgiving

(Scene shows a dark room. Yakko and Wakko, are controlling two turkey puppets in a cage.)


[Wakko]
Dad, I'm scared!

[Yakko]
Now, don't worry, son. If one of us gets chosen, it's a good thing. It means you're special.

[Wakko]
But, dad, last year, mommy got chosen, and we haven't seen her since.

[Yakko]
It's because her wings really work, and she flew away. If you get chosen, you'll be flying with her too.

[Wakko]
Really? So I can really fly too--

(The door opens, and Ralph, who is dressed as a stereotypical southern redneck, comes in.)

[Ralph]
Well, well, well, what do we have here?

(He opens the cage and takes Wakko's turkey puppet.)

[Yakko]
No! Please! Son! Son!

[Wakko]
It's okay, daddy! I'm gonna be with mommy soon!

[Yakko]
Please! Take me instead! Take me instead! That's right. You're gonna be with mommy. You're gonna be with mommy.

(Scene shows the rest of the studio staff watching the video. Hello Nurse drops her fork.)

[Dr. Scratchansniff]
Vere are zey seeing zis stuff?

[Mr. Plotz]
I'm calling a mental asylum tomorrow.

[Announcers #1 & 2]
Things that ruin Thanksgiving

[Yakko]
Hi, I'm Yakko Warner. We make a lot of jokes here at the Nikki Chic Production Company, but the one thing we don't joke about is killing...

(A montage of every joke I ever made about killing so far)

...turkeys, that is. We don't joke about killing turkeys. So, this Thanksgiving, do the right thing, and remember, turkeys are humans too. So, from all of us at NCPC, and on behalf of all the turkeys in the world, thank you, gobble gobble, and gobbless you.

(He walks off, and is seen eating what looks like turkey)

Oh, this isn't turkey, this is chicken. It just looks like one because it's really fat.

(The chicken comes to life and walks away)

[Chicken]
Well, I never! Nobody calls me fat!

[Yakko]
Wait! Chicken! Come back here, you know I didn't mean it like that! If you're gonna go, can you at least pick up some more Jams in a Can? We're about to run out!
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