Maud Pie Explains Nightmare Night

(Scene shows a room with lots of Halloween decorations. Maud Pie is scene wearing a sheet with two holes in them.)

[Maud Pie]
Booooooo.

(Maud takes off the sheet)

Just kidding, it's me, Maud Pie. Happy Nightmare Night. Nightmare Night used to be called All Hallows Eve, which is Latin for Ancient Festival Where Sexy Nurses Honor the Dead.

(Scene shows Rarity in a Hello Nurse-esque costume twerking on a plastic dead body)

Ponies also like to hallow out pumpkins, which is why it was called All Hallows Eve, because that's the evening when your pumpkins are all hallow. And there's this thing called Sleepy Hallow too...

(Scene shows Rainbow Dash dressed as the Headless Horse.)

...but that's not important right now.

(Rainbow Dash leaves the scene sadly)

Nightmare Night is sometimes referred to as All Saints Day, and that's why everypony dresses up as all saints. Not just Celestia's saints, we honor the saint of slutty animals,

(Scene shows Rarity dressed as a slutty cat)

The saint of Edward Scissorhands,

(Scene shows Twilight Sparkle dressed as Edward Scissorhands)

The saint of the Mario Brothers,

(Scene shows Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy dressed as Mario and Luigi)

The saint of topical jokes,

(Scene shows Pinkie Pie dressed as Donald Trump with a sign that says "MaKe MURiCa GR8 AgEN!" on her chest.)

The New Orleans Saints.

(Scene shows Applejack dressed as a hoofball player for the New Orleans Saints)

There are a lot of saints in New Orleans. That's why it's like always Nightmare Night there. We also honor the saint of flaming dog poo.

(Scene shows Applejack lighting a paper bag of dog poop on fire)

But we don't honor Saint Patrick.

(Scene shows Rainbow Dash dressed as Saint Patrick)

Which is weird because he would love Nightmare Night because he's always drunk, and he loves snakes.

[Twilight Sparkle]
Maud, he gets his own holiday in March.

[Maud]
Okay, thanks. Anyway, if you're a saint and you die, you get to eat candy and be drunk all the time, because you were such a saint, and that's why we do these things on Nightmare Night. It's like religious. Another Nightmare Night tradition is the spooky episode of every cartoon and sitcom. This ritual dates back to the very first sitcoms which are from the 18th century.

(Scene shows Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle, and Applejack dressed as puritans)

[Applejack]
This mare is a witch! Burn her!

(Rainbow Dash lights a lighter and chases down Twilight Sparkle. Twilight screams and runs off as a laugh track plays. The camera makes a close up on Applejack's face as stereotypical sitcom music plays and the screen says "Starring Ashleigh Ball.")

[Maud]
Another tradition is ponies dressing up like vampires. I find that really offensive because my coltfirend's a vampire. That's like a race of ponies. I mean, I wouldn't just dress up like a pegasus and be like, "I'm a pegasus! Boo, scary!" Have some sensitivity. Vampires are ponies too.

(A British pony that has a resemblance to Robert Pattinson that I'm too lazy to give a name to shows up)

[Unnamed R-Patz Pony]
For the last time! I'm not a bloody vampire!

[Maud]
He has to deny it so the Volturi don't come after him.

[Unnamed R-Patz Pony]
I'm denying it because there's no such thing as vampires, you nitwit! I can't believe I'm back in this shite relationship!

(He leaves)

[Maud]
Nightmare Night is also the day that Mike Myers killed his family.

(Scene shows Rainbow Dash dressed as Mike Myers' Austin Powers, as if stabbing Rarity and Applejack)

[Rainbow Dash]
Yeah, baby, yeah!

[Maud]
And then he killed comedy.

(Scene shows Rainbow Dash again in the Austin Powers costume, after kicking Pinkie Pie, who is wearing the comedy mask, in the groin)

[Rainbow Dash]
Yeah, baby, yeah!

[Maud]
So, like, every year in Manehattan, there's a big parade that's hosted by Frankenstein,

(Scene shows Rainbow Dash dressed as Frankenstein's Monster)

Jack Skellington,

(Applejack walks onto the scene dressed as Jack Skellington from The Nightmare Before Christmas)

The Sanderson Sisters,

(Celestia, Luna, and Cadence walk onto the scene dressed as Winifred, Mary, and Sarah Sanderson from Hocus Pocus)

And the transvestites.

(Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Twilight Sparkle walk onto the scene dressed as Magenta, Columbia, Riff Raff, and Dr. Frank 'N Furter from The Rocky Horror Picture Show)

And everypony gathers and sings Nightmare Night carols like "The Monster Mash," "Thriller," and "The Time Warp." Nightmare Night is also the time when unattractive ponies get to hook up. They wear costumes, and it makes everything okay because you're wearing a costume, and it's like not you anymore. Happy Nightmare Night, trick or treat, let us pray together.