MLP Additional Songs: The Ladies Who Lunch

Sung in Season 4 Episode 13: "Simple Ways"

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[Spike]
Rarity, I can't hear what--

[Rarity]
HE DOESN'T LIKE ME BECAUSE HE HAS A CRUSH ON APPLEJACK EVEN THOUGH I HAD A CRUSH HIM EVER SINCE THE BEGINNING OF TIME, AND IT'S NOT FAIR!!!

(She takes a huge gulp of bottled cider.)

[Spike]
Trenderhoof doesn't like you? That's ridiculous!

(Rarity takes another gulp of cider.)

Rarity, are you... drinking?

[Rarity]
Oh, Spike, how could you ever know what it's like to be totally obsessed with a pony only to find out they're obsessed with somepony else?

(She bursts into tears again and takes another gulp of cider.)

I'd like to propose a toast...

[Spike]
Wait... What?

[Rarity]
Here's to the ladies who lunch, everypony laugh.

[Spike]
What are you talking about?

[Rarity]
Lounging in their caftans and planning a brunch on their own behalf.

[Spike]
You don't know what you're saying, do you.

[Rarity]
Off to the gym, then to a fitting, claiming they're fat.
And looking grim, 'cos they've been sitting choosing a hat.
Does anyone still wear a hat? I'll drink to that.

(She takes another gulp of cider.)

And here's to the mares who play smart, aren't they a gas?
Rushing to their classes in optical art, wishing it would pass.
Another long exhausting day, another thousand dollars,
A matinee, a Pinter play, perhaps a piece of Mahler's.
I'll drink to that! And one for Mahler!

(She takes another gulp of cider.)

And here's to the mares who play wife, aren't they too much?
Keeping house but clutching a copy of LIFE, just to keep in touch.
The ones who follow the rules, and meet themselves at the schools,
Too busy to know that they're fools. Aren't they a gem?
I'll drink to them! Let's all drink to them!

(She takes another gulp of cider.)

And here's to the mares who just watch, aren't they the best?
When they get depressed, it's a bottle of Scotch, plus a little jest.
Another chance to disapprove, another brilliant zinger
Another reason not to move, another vodka stinger.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh! I'll drink to that.

(She takes another gulp of cider.)

So here's to the mares on the go everypony tries.
Look into their eyes, and you'll see what they know: everypony dies.
A toast to that invincible bunch, the dinosaurs surviving the crunch.
Let's hear it for the ladies who lunch, everypony rise!
Rise! Rise! Rise! Rise! Rise! Rise! Rise! Rise! Rise!