#FirstWorldChristmasProblems (TD Style)

[Gwen, Heather, Courtney]
I can't wait to
Kill myself this Christmas...

[Courtney]
There's nothing worse than a fake Christmas tree
Or a Santa that's too skinny

[Gwen]
Or when all I want is a Macbook Pro
And I get an iPad Mini

[Heather]
My Hot Toddy isn't hot, my ugly sweater's too cute
This fruitcake was made last September

[Courtney]
It's a Wonderful Life and Miracle on 34th Street
Aren't as good as I remembered

[Gwen, Heather, Courtney]
I can't wait
To kill myself this Christmas
This is worse
Than anything in the world!

[Gwen]
The nativity scene display is a disgrace
That's not where baby Jesus goes!

[Heather]
The new car I got did not have a big bow on top!

[Courtney]
NO!

[Gwen]
Everyone's too cheery at the shopping mall
When all I want to do is buy my boyfriend a guitar

[Courtney]
I really want ice cream, but the weather's too cold

[Gwen]
I'm out of carrots, now my snowman has a celery nose

[Heather]
The holiday season is about to end
And I didn't get to try the new Starbucks coffee blends!

[Courtney]
My fridge is cluttered, I have no more magnets
I have too many cards, I have too many friends!

[Gwen, Heather, Courtney]
I can't wait
To kill myself this Christmas

[Gwen]
I can't fucking pronounce
The word "poinsettia"

[Courtney]
I got a $50 crock pot from my secret Santa
When the limit was $200!

[Gwen, Heather, Courtney]
Santa Claus can suck it!
I wish he would kick the bucket!

I don't know
What I want for Christmas
'Cos I have everything
In the world...

[Geoff]
Everyone, look! It's snowing outside!

[Ella]
It's a Christmas miracle!

[Cameron]
Thanks, Santa!

[Coutney]
Guys, it's global warming!

[Heather]
My outfit is gonna get messed up!

[Gwen]
There's gonna be a lot of traffic on the highway!

(The three of them continue making excuses until someone off-screen throws crushed ice at Courtney)

[Courtney]
...Merry Christmas.

[Heather]
Santa's not even real!

[Courtney]
Who did this?