Canterlot Wedding Live: Unveiled!

(Scene shows Rarity in front of Princess Celestia's castle in deleted news footage of "A Canterlot Wedding" that was originally going to air on Good Morning Equestria, but didn't, and was found almost three years later. The bottom of the screen reads "Miss Rarity: Royal Wedding Planner, Dress Maker.")

[Rarity]
Every detail of the Royal Wedding has been meticulously orchestrated. In fact, Sir Elton John wrote a song for each and every guest in attendance.

(Scene changes to the reception where Pinkie Pie is at a piano dressed as Elton John. The bottom of the screen reads "Sir Elton John: Royal Songwriter for Emotional Occasions, Not Pinkie Pie in a Wig.)

[Pinkie Pie]
Stallion with the black coat on
Sitting next to the mare with the face that looks like potato salad
I think we met once at Pizza Hut, yes we did
You ordered cheesy bread

(A time card that says "Two Hours Later" appears.)

[French Narrator]
Two hours later...

(Pinkie is still singing, and all the guests are now asleep.)

[Pinkie Pie]
To the owner of the '97 White Sedan
You left your headlights on
And your battery's gonna die, it's gonna die
And it seems to me your car battery is like a candle in--

(Scene changes back to outside Princess Celestia's castle. Rarity is now holding a dog. The bottom of the screen reads "Chauncey Cuddlesworth: Fart-Sucking Dog.")

[Rarity]
And since the Sparkle family has a long-standing zero-tolerance policy on flatulence, a highly-trained legion of fart-sucking dogs will be at the ready. Isn't that right, Chauncey?

(Chauncey licks Rarity's face.)

No! Don't lick my face!

(A picture of an old stallion shows up and the bottom of the screen reads "Lord Hendsley Chuckwagon: Royal Wedding Day Dental Hygiene Steward.")

This stallion has trained his entire life to brush the royal couple's teeth on the morning of the big day; then he will be put to death.

(Screen shows Rarity in front of the castle again.)

Nothing was left to chance for this royal wedding. As for the reception, however, the bride's aunt insisted that she and the groom's sister would be responsible for it.

(Scene changes to inside the castle, where Princess Celestia is being interviewed. The bottom of the screen reads "Princess Celestia: Ruler of Equestria, Aunt of the Bride.")

[Celestia]
I told those royals that nopony but me and my faithful student was going to pay for my little girl's reception! I'm a princess! I have a job...

(She cracks open a can of cider.)

...usually...

(She takes a sip of the cider.)

I also have a cousin who's a night manager at the Holiday Inn 45 miles west of Canterlot. No big commute for everypony, we have a chauffeur! Yeah, we got the large conference room from 10 to midnight, free beer and wine, you want a cocktail? Well, that comes out of your pocket! My sister Luna tried to get her friend's Sapphire Shores cover band to play as well, but they were already booked for the Fancy Shoe Festival. As it turns out, Pinkie found a stallion who plays the accordion, so entertainment's basically free, you're welcome! But the highlight of the night is gonna be me reading a passage from Cadence's favorite book;

(She takes out a copy of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.)

The Prisoner of Azkaban. It's the part where Harry Potter and Sirius Black almost get killed by the Dementors. I just hope I can get through it without crying.